You: OUR FATHER IN HEAVEN

Lord: Yes?

You: Don't interrupt me, I'm praying.

Lord: But you were talking to me.

You: Me? No not really. OUR FATHER...

Lord: See? You addressed me. So what is it about?

You: HALLOWED BE THY NAME...

Lord: Do you really mean it?

You: What?

Lord: Hallowing my name.

You: What does that mean?

Lord: It means honouring me - that I'm precious to you, that I'm No 1.

You: Ah, right. YOUR KINGDOM COME, YOUR WILL BE DONE ON EARTH AS IT IS IN HEAVEN

Lord: And what are you doing for my kingdom? And are you doing my will?

You: Well, I go to church sometimes.

Lord: That's not enough. I want more. I want you to change your habit of selfishness. I want you to be more concerned for other people than for yourself.

You: Why do you always pick on me? What about Fred? He's doing the same isn't he?

Lord: Hold on! Weren't you just now praying that your whole life comes under my control as the King and that you would be able to do my will?

You: All right, all right. Please can I finish my prayers now? GIVE US TODAY OUR DAILY BREAD...

Lord: Would you be satisfied if I gave you only bread to eat! Come on, be honest. You even moan when vegetables are on your menu instead of chips or baked beans.

You: FORGIVE US OUR SINS AS WE FORGIVE THOSE WHO SIN AGAINST US...

Lord: What about Bob?

You: Bob? Please don't start talking to me about Bob. Don't you know he made a fool of me yesterday at school?

Lord: Yes, I know. But you were just praying that...

You: Oh, I didn't take it seriously.

Lord: Well, at least you're honest. Are you enjoying walking around feeling cross and bitter about Bob?

You: No, not really.

Lord: I can help you. Just forgive Bob for what he's done to you and I will forgive you. I know it might cost you your reputation but only then will you be at peace.

You: Mmm, not sure if I can after all he's done. AND LEAD US NOT INTO TEMPTATION, BUT DELIVER US FROM EVIL.

Lord: I'd love to. Just keep away from situations and people who tempt you to think or do something that is wrong.

You: I'm not with you.

Lord: You know only too well your weaknesses: Being selfish, fantasising about money, being lazy...

You: Puh! I think this was the most difficult prayer I've ever prayed.  But at least it relates to my ordinary life.

Lord: Fine! We'll get there!

You: FOR YOURS IS THE KINGDOM, THE POWER AND THE GLORY FOR EVER. AMEN.

Lord: You know what? I really enjoy it when people like you start to take me seriously and have a real chat about things and do what I ask them to do.